


prone to misery

by aloistrancy



Category: South Club (Band), Winner (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 06:32:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14182977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloistrancy/pseuds/aloistrancy
Summary: And he couldn’t stop himself as he took the cigarette back and filled the space between them. The ash burned and so did his eyes as he pressed the elder against the damp brick wall.





	prone to misery

**Author's Note:**

> anyway, you know i'm always on my namsong bullshit. just self-indulgent nonsense from my brain. let me know what you think. xo

Scrolling through instagram was not a crime, Taehyun continued to tell himself. His eyes quickly darted across the screen of his phone as he took in the photos. Love and beauty is all that registers in Taehyun’s brain. Again, hadn’t it always been that way? His eyes always followed Minho and he always observed every beautiful part of him. Even now when it felt like worlds divided them. It had been months since he’d seen or spoken to any members of his former group. People he’d seen everyday, who he called family, now strangers. It was hard to face when he deleted each of their numbers, except his. How was he supposed to forget everything that happened between them? How was Taehyun to forget how Minho tried so hard to keep them together? He couldn’t just let that go, he refused. Angrily, Taehyun shut his phone off and turned back to the notebook he continued to scribble down his stream of consciousness, “Heaven is in your eyes.”

Sometimes it was so easy to miss the life of being catered too. Sure, you had to sell your soul to the metaphorical devil but you didn’t have to pay utilities. Taehyun sighed loudly as he glared at the ATM machine he’d just used. It was easier now though, to do this. To be a normal person and walk the streets was something he had taken for granted before. Of course he relished in privacy now. Before he couldn’t say any of his own thoughts, nothing but regurgitated garbage fed to him by a PR team. Now he can say his own thoughts and get in trouble for them, only online thankfully. Taehyun knew this is how he was meant to live. To be free to choose. His mind always wandered when he thought of his own freedom. What had he done for the others? Those he left behind still had to do as they were told. It was worth it though Taehyun knew that, they were cut out for that life. He never was.

The next moment Minho clouded his thoughts were as he applied eyeliner in a dingy green room of a club. His band members were all sprawled across the room and he tried to ignore the way he still felt like an outsider to his own life. Would he ever truly belong anywhere? And Minho’s voice always cut through with words he’d pleaded, “You are home.” Taehyun remembered the painful words shared between them. How Minho begged and Taehyun denied him time and time again. Taehyun couldn’t bare to think of the look on Minho’s face as he begged, the way his dark eyes filled with tears. Taehyun couldn’t mess up his eyeliner before the show. Suck it up sweetheart, this is what you want.

On stage was where he belonged. In front of a crowd of a few of a few thousand he didn’t care. This was his safe haven from an earth he felt like he never belonged on. He let his emotions bleed into the lyrics as he screamed them to the people who screamed them back. This was all he’d ever lived for, this moment of connectivity he felt. And it was in moments like this that Taehyun knew this was the right choice. Despite the people he’d hurt, this was what was meant to be in the end. And as they finished their set he couldn’t help but kneel before the crowd and kiss the floor he’d stood upon. In such a vast world he mattered in this moment. It kept him alive, it kept him sane. 

“Someone’s here for you.” One of their roadies muttered through the open door of the green room. Taehyun met the roadies gaze and nodded. People weren’t usually here to see him, his friends usually just plowed their way back here. After a quick glance in the mirror Taehyun ran a hand through his hair and stepped out into the hallway. For a few seconds he was certain he couldn’t breathe, all the air in his lungs gone. 

“Taehyun.” Minho spoke first. He always spoke first. It was one of the reasons Taehyun loved him so much. Minho was always his first defense, his barrier between himself and the world. Minho always spoke for Taehyun and always articulated what he conveyed in a look. Minho was confident and forward in his approach, it was something Taehyun had always admired. And now it was something Taehyun missed. Now he had to handle things head on and despite his lack of articulation he managed to get something out (most days). “I’m proud of you.”

And wasn’t that a fucking punch to the gut? Taehyun didn’t deserve this kindness. He never deserved the way Minho was so warm and selfless in everything he did. Taehyun was the complete opposite. Cold and prickly in most situations. He hadn’t change and neither had Minho.

“Shut up.” Taehyun whispered as he felt the tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He tipped his head down for a moment as he swiped at the tears that had fallen. They couldn’t do this here, not in front of all these crew members. Taehyun nodded behind Minho towards an exit door, how ironic. Minho got the idea and lead the way out back. “What are you proud of me for?” 

Taehyun still had that defensive front up. It had gotten even worse since he’d been on his own. He had no safeguard, no script and no Minho. Taehyun nervously plucked the cigarette from behind his ear and the lighter in his pocket before he lit it. His hands shook but he would blame it on the buzz from the show. It was the buzz from Minho being so close to him. 

“You’re doing what you want. You’re in your element up there.” Minho explained as he wore that same tired, kind expression. Taehyun had no idea how he managed. Often he would find himself worried about Minho but what could he do? Minho wasn’t his business anymore, he’d made sure of that himself. “You’re happy.”

“I’m happy now.” Taehyun spoke softly as he exhaled slowly. “I’m happy to see you.” 

“Me too.” Minho reached out for the cigarette between Taehyun’s lips and brought it to his own. For the second time in a few minutes Taehyun felt like he couldn’t breathe. “I miss you.” 

“Don’t.” Taehyun sighed softly. He was not worth missing. Minho had three other people who cared about him so deeply, they’d never leave him like Taehyun did. Again, tears came. Nothing stopped his emotion when it came to the man before him. And what better set than a dingy alleyway behind a shitty, run down punk bar? Minho deserved better than this, Taehyun wanted better for him. “You have no idea how much more you deserve.” 

“You think I’m just on my whimsical fantasies don’t you?” Minho asked. It was strange, the two of them never really talked like this. It had always been so easy and comfortable between the two of them. Taehyun understood the thick, melancholy laced tension between them. Their love lost because Taehyun couldn’t self-regulate. Minho deserved someone strong and Taehyun deserved something more than living in a glass cage. “I’m older than you, do you forget?” 

“How could I?” Taehyun snapped quickly as he eyed Minho. He didn’t care them if eyeliner smeared his cheeks. There was nothing he would ever hide from Minho. “I see you everywhere, I know what people are saying. I don’t forget a thing, Minho.” 

And he couldn’t stop himself as he took the cigarette back and filled the space between them. The ash burned and so did his eyes as he pressed the elder against the damp brick wall. 

“I’ve not forgotten a thing and I haven’t stopped my love for you.” Taehyun whispered fiercely. The cigarette fell to the ground as he balled his fists in the front of Minho’s coat. He glanced at it for a moment and eyed the flowers. How pretty for such a pretty soul. Minho seemed to have everything his heart could desire, so why was he here? 

“Neither have I.” Minho exhaled in the space between them. “I couldn’t stand it, just seeing you through posts online. That wasn’t enough, it’s not enough. I can’t stay away, no one can make me.” 

“It’s dangerous.” Taehyun murmured though a small smirk crawled crept onto his lips. He filled the small space between them again and pressed his lips to Minho’s cheek. “Doing this, this is dangerous.” 

“I don’t care anymore.” Minho laughed. Finally. Taehyun couldn’t help the way he mirrored it. It was the greatest sound he’d ever heard in his life. As their breathing steadied Taehyun realized maybe it would be okay. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad because for the first time in a long time, he’d felt like he was home again. 


End file.
